75 questions to ask your future self

Why talk to your future self

Psychologist Hal Hershfield calls it future self-continuity: how connected you feel to the person you will be. His research suggests many of us relate to our future self almost like a stranger. In one brain-imaging study, the more differently people's brains responded to their current and future selves, the more they preferred smaller rewards now over larger ones later (Ersner-Hershfield et al., 2009).

The good news is that the connection can grow. When people saw realistic age-progressed images of themselves, they chose to set aside more money for later (Hershfield et al., 2011). Questions do something similar without the software. Every answer you write in her voice makes her a bit more real, and a bit more someone you want to look after.

She is not a stranger. Ask her something real and she answers.

How to use these questions

• Choose a horizon. One year, your next birthday, or five years. Say it before you start: "It's next October."
• Pick three, not 75. One that excites you, one that scares you, one from the last group.
• Answer as her. First person, present tense: "I'm living in..." not "I will live in..."
• Ask what it took. For every answer, add one step that got her there. That is where the useful information is.

Questions about who she is

Start here. These questions build the picture so the rest have someone to answer them.

1. 1What does an ordinary Tuesday look like for you?
2. 2Where do you live, and what do you see from the window?
3. 3What do you wear on a day you feel like yourself?
4. 4What do you do first thing in the morning?
5. 5What are you known for among your friends?
6. 6What have you stopped caring about?
7. 7What do you care about more than I do?
8. 8What's on your bedside table?
9. 9What do you do on a free Saturday?
10. 10What do you believe now that I don't yet?
11. 11What's a word you'd use to describe yourself that I wouldn't dare?
12. 12What are you learning right now?
13. 13What part of me did you keep, on purpose?

Questions about work and money

Work and money are where wanting gets practical. Ask for the details, not the title.

14. 14What does your work feel like on a good day?
15. 15What's the work you're proudest of this year?
16. 16Who do you work with, and what do they rely on you for?
17. 17What did you say no to that made room for this?
18. 18How did you get the first client, role or yes?
19. 19What skill do you wish I'd started on sooner?
20. 20How do you feel when you check your bank balance?
21. 21What do you spend money on without guilt?
22. 22What did you stop spending on?
23. 23How many hours do you work, and is it enough?
24. 24What's the risk you took that paid off?
25. 25What's the risk you took that didn't, and what did it teach you?

Questions about love and friendship

Ask about how love feels and how you show up in it. Your future self can't tell you what someone else decides.

26. 26Who do you call when something good happens?
27. 27Who did you let go of, and how did you know?
28. 28What does love feel like in your body now?
29. 29What do you ask for that I don't?
30. 30How do you spend a weeknight with the person you love?
31. 31Which friendship did you invest in this year?
32. 32Who did you make up with?
33. 33Where do you meet new people?
34. 34What boundary made your relationships better?
35. 35Who do you take care of, and who takes care of you?
36. 36What's the kindest thing someone said to you this year?
37. 37What do you wish I knew about being loved?

Questions about confidence and fear

This is the group most lists skip. Research on positive fantasies suggests that only imagining the bright side can lower your energy to act (Kappes & Oettingen, 2011). Ask her about the hard parts too.

38. 38What did you stop apologizing for?
39. 39What are you no longer afraid of?
40. 40What are you still afraid of?
41. 41What almost stopped you, and what did you do instead?
42. 42What's the first sentence you say when you walk into a room?
43. 43When did you first feel like you'd changed?
44. 44What do you do on days you don't feel confident?
45. 45Whose opinion stopped mattering?
46. 46What did you do even though you were nervous?
47. 47What would you tell me about the voice in my head?
48. 48What part of my fear was useful?
49. 49Which mistake turned out fine?
50. 50What do you take up space for now?

Questions about rest and health

A future self who is exhausted isn't the goal. Ask how she rests.

51. 51What time do you go to bed?
52. 52How do you spend a Sunday morning?
53. 53Where does your phone sleep?
54. 54What do you do when you need to recover?
55. 55How do you move your body, and do you enjoy it?
56. 56What do you eat on a normal weekday?
57. 57When did you last take a full week off?
58. 58What did you stop doing that was draining you?
59. 59Where do you go to feel calm?
60. 60Who helps you rest?
61. 61What does a good evening look like?
62. 62How do you know when you need a break?

Questions she'd ask you

Turn it around. These are the questions your future self would want answered today. Answer them as yourself.

63. 63What are you waiting for permission to do?
64. 64What one thing could you do this week that I'd thank you for?
65. 65What are you tolerating that you could change?
66. 66What do you want that you haven't said out loud?
67. 67Who are you trying to impress?
68. 68What would you do if you knew I'd be proud either way?
69. 69What habit are you ready to start?
70. 70What are you ready to stop?
71. 71Who do you need to call?
72. 72What would make this year feel like yours?
73. 73Where are you settling?
74. 74What's the next brave thing?
75. 75What do you want, really?

How to answer: journal, letter, or listen

• Journal. Write one question at the top of a page and answer for ten minutes without stopping. Our future self journaling prompts give you a month of starting points.
• Letter. Put three questions into a letter to your future self, then write her reply. Students who did this two-way letter exchange felt more connected to their future selves than those who wrote one letter (Chishima & Wilson, 2020).
• Listen. Close your eyes and let her answer in a scene. Our future self visualization walks you through it in ten minutes.

Do it with Wildly Mine: hear her answer

Here is question 1, "What does an ordinary Tuesday look like for you?", answered the way a Wildly Mine Story answers it:

It's Tuesday and nothing is on fire. You walk to the studio with coffee in your hand and the morning ahead of you. Two people are waiting on work only you can do, and that feels good, not heavy. At six you close the laptop and mean it.

In the app, you add a Desire and describe an ordinary moment in the life you want. Wildly Mine writes it into a Story and narrates it in the Voice you choose: Clara, Sage or Luna. Today prepares four Stories from your Desires, your Affirmations are written from them, and the 21-day Challenge gives you one a day. Personal Stories are written with AI from the details you choose to share, after you give permission. They are imagined possibilities, not predictions. The included Story library, Affirmations and the 21-day Challenge are free; Plus adds personal Stories and Affirmations made for you and new narration in your Voice, within daily allowances.

Get Wildly Mine and hear her answer.